he thought i was a dude.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
