this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
