a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
