Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
