It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
