I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
