recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize