He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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