Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
