Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
