Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
