Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
