Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Success! We fucked roommates!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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