i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
