How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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