i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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