i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
