It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Im just a social blackout drinker.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
