why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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