you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
