My room smells like vodka and shame
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize