You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
