TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
