Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
