is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
