i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
