Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
