you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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