he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
