did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
