If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
