i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
