Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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