make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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