...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
