kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
