Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
