He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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