Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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