I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
