my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
