Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
