I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
