mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
