You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Boobs speak an international language.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
