did you get engaged???
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
