Cold hands, warm shart.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
