do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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