He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
