I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
