Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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