Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
