she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
