Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
