God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
why do cheetos always look like penises
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
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