tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
