I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
