It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
