there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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