Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
