Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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