im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
